The Wade Boggs Time Machine is a recurring article that uses the time machine Wade built in 1983 to take a look back at a prominent sports figures past. Hop on, a ride into the past is always fun for all involved! (Children, Ronald Curry, and Grant Hill not allowed for fear of injury)

Ladies and Gentlemen. For those of you who are not familiar with the on going circus that is the life of Willie Williams get ready for arguably the most enjoyable ride of your life. Willie Williams is an ex-college football player who was, at one point, considered amongst the greatest, and easily the most naturally gifted, linebacker prospects of all time. The man had football coaches and athletic directors eating out of his hand, some pro scouts even said he could have played in the NFL straight out of high school. Willie, according to Rivals, was rated ahead of current NFL linebackers Jerod Mayo, Robert Ayers, Lawrence Timmons, Marcus Freeman, Brandon Siler, Dan Connor and one spot behind Keith Rivers. So what happened? Where is Willie? In what should have been Willie Williams’ senior year at the University of Miami, his final year to showcase his abilities in college before being snatched up by the NFL for all fans to enjoy, he is no where to be found. So we here at BWB did a little digging and found out what happened to Willie. So buckle up, we’re about to take a peek into the life of one of the most promising linebackers of all-time.

(This is largely fiction and should not be read as a biography. Most of this is fake and only the major details are true. AKA he did not Balcony Bandit a girl in high school… at least we hope not)

Early Fall 2003: After another terrifying ride in the death trap that Mr. Boggs threw together in one drunken afternoon we arrive in Miami, Florida. The weather is amazing, the girls have boobs that Dolly Parton would envy, the beach is packed for the last few weeks of summer weather, and the one and only Willie Williams is striking fear into the hearts of his ill equipped high school foes. It’s high school football and Williams is already a 6′3 220 pound beast of a man, which is especially terrifying considering most of his opponents are still expiriencing growing pains and just discovered the glory of online porn. It’s 3rd and 5 and everyone is focused on the upcoming play. Except Willie, he’s thinking about how he can get Destiny, the new girl at school, to go home with him so he can pull off a Balcony Bandit (look it up). When he looks back the play has already started and they are running the ball away from him. No matter, Willie plows through everyone, including his own teammates, and stops the run for a 2 yard loss. Satisfied with himself he leaves the field, King Kong’s Destiny (the object of his attention), and heads home for some good old fashion sexual abuse. He is later arrested for the 11th time for sexual assault, gets a slap on the wrist, and is sent back to the gym to workout. Ya football! Play it well and you can get away with pretty much anything.

Late Fall 2003: The next stop is in Tuscaloosa where Willie is pumped for his first official visit to a university and I’m is excited to see Jenn Sterger in person. He steps off a private plane (definitely not owned by a booster!) and is greeted by none other than the legend Bobby Bowden. He later blogs his experience.

Willie’s actual blog:

”When Coach Bowden picked me up, he had a box of chicken wings for me… there was only like two wings. I told him `Coach, we’re still going to dinner right?”

“Coach Haggins told us to order as much as we wanted. I ordered a steak and a lobster tail. The lobster tail was like $49.99. I couldn’t believe something so little could cost so much. The steak didn’t even have a price. But, then I saw what the other guys were ordering, I was like, `Forget this.’ I called the waiter back and told him to bring me four lobster tails, two steaks and a Shrimp Scampi. It was good. I took two boxes back with me to the hotel.”

”Coach Bowden was cool, but Ms. Bowden was the bomb. I swear, she must be related to Betty Crocker or something. When we walked into that house, it was like walking into a Publix Bakery — banana pudding, chocolate cake, cheesecake. I had one of everything. I didn’t want to leave.”

I wish I could say that was my own comedic genious, but alas this was a Willie Williams original. A testament to the length at which a school will go to convince a top recruit to attend their institution. Sadly we have to leave now, despite no ”hang time” with the Florida State Cowgirls, to head to ’Da U where the benifits of being a top recruit are just as evident.

Willie’s actual blog:

“When I saw Coach Coker was driving the Escalade, I was like, `Dang, coach got some taste.”

“We’d get to a red light and I would hold on because the bus driver would just take it. Coach Coker was like, `Willie, we’ve got police escorts.’ I told him, ‘Thank God. I thought the police were trying to pull us over and give us a ticket”

I was running like a blind man. I had my eyes closed cause I didn’t want none of that smoke to get in my eyes. Coach was like, `It’s OK, Willie. It isn’t going to hurt you.’ Now, I know.” (Running out of a tunnel through a giant-sized UM helmet and the infamous smoke)

“J.R. and I figured we would stuff the Miami Hurricane jerseys under our clothes. Bobby hid his in his stomach, but he looked pregnant.”

Spring 2004: It is now national signing day and Willie has to make a decision on what school he will attend next year. After much thought and discussion (who has the best food/clubs/girls) Willie Williams decides to stay at home and attend the University of Miami. Soon after signing the school discovers that Willie has had 11 previous arrests and is in danger of serious jail time if he is ever arrested as an adult. Larry Coker and Co. have only begun to taste the headaches that Willie will soon bring him.

Spring 2006: After his red shirt year, during which he was 2nd on the depthchart behind current Carolina Panther Jon Beason, things started going down hill for Williams. In a desire for more playing time Willie Williams announced to the world his intention of transferring to another school. Let’s take a look at his meeting with Larry Coker to discuss his intentions:

Willie: Yo coach, I’ma start next year right?

Coker: Willie we will evaluate you like any other member of this team, during spring and summer practise, before finalizing our decision of who will start. You have a wealth of natural ability and I am sure you will prove your worth on the field this upcoming season.

Willie: Huh? Why you always need to be all Einstein wit’ me? Just tell me I’ma play ball Coke’!

Coker: Willie, just continue working hard and I am sure you will be a big part of our sucess next season.

Willie: Coach, I’m mutha fuckin’ Willie Williams! I’ma fuckin’ big dick playa! When you gonna realize fool. Start me or I’m outta here white boi.

Coker: I really should just start you becuase you are the best athlete we have. But since I’m a stumbling bumbling idiot who doesn’t realize that it is the immense amount of talent in the program and not my own coaching ability that has made us an annual National Title hopeful I’m going to tell you off. If you want to start you should go ahead and transfer.

Willie: Peace out biatch! I’ll call you when I’m gettin’ NFL coin and rub it in your wrinkly ass face!

 The only issue? No one wanted a backup linebacker with the kind of baggage that Willie had (11 arrests, poor work ethic, late to meetings, poor academic student) no matter how much raw talent he may of possessed. In an effort to remove himself from the spotlight, in which he was referred to more often as a criminal than a linebacker, Willie would attend a small school in LA, West Los Angeles College. He would only play 4 games there and no one would hear about Williams for a while.

Fall 2007: Wanting to return to the competitive realm of Division I football Willie transferred to Louisville, an offensive juggernaut with Brian Brohm at the helm but whose National Title hopes were held back by their complete lack of defensive competence. The comparison to a sieve isn’t even fair because at least a sieve stops something. The addition of Willie put the residents of Louisville, KY into a frenzy. After a promising ‘06 campaign in which they went 12-1, beat Wake Forest in the Orange Bowl, and finished the season ranked #6 in the AP Top 25; the ‘08 season seemed like the year they could win it all. With the return of All-Conference pivot, #1 rated prospect for the NFL Draft, Brian Brohm and the addition of Willie Williams to their awful defense, it seemed like everything was going in the right direction.

Too bad Willie Williams is a fucking idiot. I guess 11 arrests wasn’t enough for the now 21 year old Willie, within the first 4 weeks of the football season Willie was charged with possesionof marijuana, tampering with evidence, and driving without a license. He was obviously cut from the team. Louisville would proceed to collapse, finishing the season 6-6. Willie was out of the spotlight once again.

Spring 2008: Some how Williams is suiting up for his 4th team in 5 years. Willie attended NAIA school Union College, a tiny school in Barbourville, Kentucky, after his transfer to Glenville State was denied by the NCAA. Arriving 8 days before the start of the first game of the season Willie seemed to be up to his old tricks again. But despite relatively no knowledge of the teams’ schemes or play book Williams would register 13 tackles, 2 sacks, and 2 fumble recoveries in the game and would be named NAIA defensive player of the week. He would end the season with 150 tackles, 19½ tackles for a loss, and 11½ sacks in his final season in college. Next step: the NFL!

April 2009: Willie Williams ate dinner, hung out with family, and didn’t get drafted. No one was surprised.

August 2009: Willie Williams, after countless articles speaking volumes to his new character and work ethic in an attempt to make an NFL team, desides to fuck it all up and rob some good friends. Really? We’re robbing friends now Willie?

Williams, 24, had unlawfully entered the residence of a family he had befriended in Suwannee, Ga., when they weren’t home. He allegedly stole items that include, according to the arrest report, an XBox 360 gaming system, Wii gaming system, digital cameras, four iPods, a Palm cellphone, Dell desktop computer, Dell laptop computer, several hundred dollars in cash, several pieces of jewelry — and more.

Well there you have it folks. You have just witnessed, first hand, the fall from grace of the once heralded recruit, Willie Williams. Undoubtedly spending some solid time in jail, it’s likely that this is the last we will here of Willie for a while. And even when he gets out he won’t get the same kind of attention that Mike Vick did. That day will merely be a blip on the radar of a couple UFL and CFL scouts who, despite the need for more natural talent in both leagues, probably won’t take a hard look at an athlete who has destroyed everything and everyone in his path, including (most of all) himself.

- KC Roberts