Oh Hey

You hear that? Do you fucking hear that? That my friends, is the sound of football. It’s the glorious sound of me zipping up my fly as I will no longer have to jerk myself off about 8 times a day to the image of Larry Fitzgerald streaking down the middle of the field to put the Cards up 23-20 in the Superbowl, because being able to see him actually do such things starting this sunday will simply cause my to J.I.M.P.

In all seriousness though, and outside of all disgusting references of me pleasuring myself, tonight the Tennessee Titans faceoff against the defending champion Pittsburgh Steelers in the National Football League’s opening matchup (Pretty Peter King-esque eh?). Right now, I’m sitting on my couch watching NFL network’s coverage of the pregame show with the Black Eyed Peas (ughh) and Tim McGraw (ughhhhhhhhhhh), but fuck does it feel good to see my boys Rich, Deion and Marshall talkin bout football again. (A Miracle Whip commercial just came on and told me not be so mayo. Fuck you Miracle Whip, you don’t stand a chance against mayo. I’ll take fat and cream over a weird tang anyday!). Sorry, got a little off-topic, back to football!

If you wanna know my pick, I’m goin bold and taking Tennessee. Defending Superbowl champs have won their home opener the following season something like 91% of the time. I have no followup analysis on that stat, it just goes to show how bold and awesome my pick is. But, it is based on reason. First, as TM Williamson will never let us forget, the Titans did stomp the Steelers out in wk 16 last season and the images of Lendale White and Keith Bullock stomping on those towels are ripe in my excited-ass head. (ass head, funny). Also, if you’re a gambling man (or woman) like Wade Boggs and the crew that runs his drinking blog, then take Tennessee without question. Every avid NFL (and probably other league) gambler knows that week 1 is when the odds you get from vegas are the most out of touch. Who works for “Vegas?” If these guys know so much about how to handicap a game, why are they working for casinos and not just betting? (HA, Franks 1, those betting line douches… 0). For example, in Canadian Pro-Line, the Titans pay out 3.40 to every dollar. SO if you bet 100 bucks on the titans, you make 340. Not fuckin bad for a 13-3 record last year. That I believe, is called value. This, is also value…

That’s all for now, cause I gotta get to my watering hole for wings, nachos, and lots of quality conversation, mostly coming from my mouth. Enjoy the game, and we promise, the posting on this here site will now be frequent as the NFL season kicks off.

YAHHHH BIG NFL STYLE HIT!!!!!