Do you love your dog?  Do you think he or she is just the best lil’ pup in the whole wide world?  Well guess what?  You are very, very mistaken.  Because Warming Glow had led me to realize that your dog fucking sucks.  All dogs fucking suck.  That is, unless they are riding bicycles with legitimately perfect form.  Seriously, let’s get this dog the standard issue cyclists dose of HGH, and I will watch every second of the Tour de France next year.  Dog owners of America, your mission is clear: get rid of your shitty little Schnauzers and Terriers.  Those bitches (literally!) are too small to ride bikes anyway.  Pick up a Dalmatian (or similar sized dog) and some training wheels, videotape it riding a bike, and send me the video.  I could literally watch this all day.  (Warming Glow)

Cultural Oddsmaker has returned!  In order to pay off a bet made with Deadspin editor AJ Daulerio on the NFC playoffs, Drew has taken AJ’s old column and given it his own personal twist.  That is to say, there is far more profanity and inappropriate references this time around (something you wouldn’t think possible while reading Daulerio’s older versions)  Some samples:

I don’t think it’s a reach to wildly speculate that one day in the near future, Indiana Fever coach Nell Fortner will get a little fever of her own, holding down her power forward and doing a little “power forwarding,” to use a lesbian industry term (NOTE: not an actual lesbian industry term).

Berman, in his Hawaiian shirt and nothing else, going to town on some poor Outback Steakhouse busgirl, raining sweat all over her back like she’s a tomato garden.

Hey asshole, I don’t need color commentary on my porn. Only I’m allowed to say creepy shit while the chick is prying herself open like a crate of peaches.

If you claim to have read those excerpts but not clicked the link and read the whole thing, then you’re a damned dirty liar.  (Deadspin)

This just in: Jason Whitlock is retarded.  Mr. Whitlock, please listen carefully.  The Erin Andrews videotape scandal has nothing to do with race.  Nothing.  Literally nothing at all.  I know it’s a shocking blow for you to learn that there are things out there that racism can’t be related to, but it’s true.  Here are some things that are no less related to race than the Erin Andrews scandal: The excellent taste of the coffee I am currently drinking, my pants, Kleenex…and that’s just within a two foot radius of me.  These things are all over the place!  (Fox Sports)

Puck Daddy (who, along with the other Yahoo blogs, have some of the more entertaining interviews in the business) chats with new Washington Capital Mike Knuble, who reveals that his favorite beer is Bud Select due to the low calories.  RM Franks applauds the selection.  Wade Boggs, on the other hand, thinks this guy is a pussy. (Puck Daddy)

Matt Bonner may not be the kind, clean cut gentleman we all took him for.  Not surprising, considering he used to travel on the Toronto subway as his means of transportation.  I’ve been on the Toronto subway at night, and it’s just the kind of setting that could send a young, well meaning ginger like Bonner on a horrific downward spiral. (Food Court Lunch)

The Spurs have signed Theo Ratliff, because they just weren’t sure if Antonio McDyess and Michael Finley could handle the absolutely crucial “I was at my best in the fucking 90s” role all by themselves. (Yahoo)

Remember Barret Robbins?  The bipolar Oakland Raiders Pro Bowl centre who went MIA on the day of the Super Bowl?  Well, he’s going to be on Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel next week to reveal his whereabouts that day.  Where was he, you ask?  Tijuana.  Partying.  I believe his exact words were “You think ‘A woman fuckin’ a horse!’ and you get there and… it’s a woman fucking a horse.  It was really giving it to her. And you know what? To be honest I just felt bad for her, we all just felt bad for her.  I kinda felt bad for the horse!” (NBC Washington)