During the recent trade rumors of Jake Peavy, the ace righty, going to the White Sox’s, who are in desperate need of some pitching, I came upon a few old pictures of Jake “I like ‘em young” Peavy I haven’t seen in some time (pictured above casually mentioning he makes millions to the impressionable young lady). Who can blame Peavy, girls his age are: mature, have gay jobs all day, don’t party all the time, and his go to pick up line “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see!” doesn’t work on them. Seriously not even worth it Peavy, stick with the college girls, it works and its slightly less creepy than guys who like high school girls. Anyways, in honor of Jake Peavy, his creepy bar moves, and his many hilarious drunken pictures I have compiled the top 5 greatest hilariously drunken athletes, their adventures, and the photos to prove it.

The great thing is that every athlete probably has nights like these, just like every single one of you have done something stupid once in their life like: blacked out and end the night in bed with a whale, puked under the table/in the urinal/on the stall floor before being kicked out of the bar, taken your pants off in a classy club … or maybe thats just me, too specific? The point is all of us do stupid shit when we are drunk, its just 10x as funny when athletes do it. So here goes, my top 5 Drunken Athletes and their stories.

Honorable Mention

Vince Young – Tennesse Titans QB, Eli Manning – Giants QB, Jeff Reed – Steelers Kicker, Gary Williams – Maryland Basketball Head Coach, Mark Cuban – Dallas Mavs Owner, Brett Lebda – Red Wings Defensman

5) Ben Roethlisberger: After winning the Super Bowl Big Ben took sometime off to get absolutely shitfaced before putting the Roethlisberger winning moves on the hot girl in the picture. Story has it she shut his ass down, but fuck it Ben you drink like a champ. Bike accident soon follows, authorities say no alcohol was involve, but we all know the truth.

4) John Daly: Known by many to be an absolute booze hound. While playing a round in the lovely town of Oakville (my hometown) it was reported that Daly drank more than 25 beers and proceeded to do exactly what he always does, creep out young girls and yell belligerently. I guess the drinking finally caught up to him, Daly has been suspended for 6 months by the PGA for his drunken shenanigans while playing in professional tournaments. Below: John Daley at his favorite Hooters and his mugshot after the unsuccessful drive home.

3)Sir Charles Barkely: Probably the funniest man in the world, not because he tells funny jokes but because everything he does contradicts what a sane person would do. His stunts on TNT like this or this has cemented him as easily the greatest sports commentator of all time next to John Madden and the “Boom goes the Dynamite” guy (who in other news has resurfaced). I guarantee you that there was no coffee in Sir Charles coffee cup when he was on set, straight rum baby! I am eagerly awaiting watching The Haney Project to witness more Barkley magic.

2) Wade Boggs: Wade Boggs was a legend during an era in baseball when instead of the modern post game protein shake and cold bath players would polish off a 24, drive home shitcanned, wake up and cure the hangover with a few beers before an afternoon game. Boggs took it to another level, legend has it that he would drink between 50 and 60 beers when the Yankees had cross country flights to LA or San Fransisco. That is bordering on god like drinking ability. Wade could have easily been the number one on this list, the only issue? Lack of hilarious pictures to go along with the insane stories. In other news I am attempting to match Wade Boggs numbers, but im a bitch so it’ll be over an entire weekend, still I might die so if my articles stop drop by the house to make sure im still alive.

1)Kyle Orton: Orton’s drinking numbers pale in comparison to the legendary Boggs, but what he lacks in ability he makes up for in what TM would call “ball bustingly” hilarious pictures. One photo can’t contain the level of amazingness so here are a few to check out:

- Drunk at the game

- Fuck cups, just give me the bottle of Jack bitch!

- Look out lady! Its a bear! No its a wolverine! Fuck its Dancing Orton!

- I got a limo baby.

- Can’t contain his excitement upon seeing the Jack bottle, proceeds to pour all over self.

- Making the switch to wine? Doubful. Definately sneaking some Jack in the club with the wine bottle.

- Fucking bartender is being a bitch. Get me my booze!

- Everyone has a drunken gay expirience. Right guys?

And last but not least. The biggest reason Orton is #1. The legendary shirtless chug:
(warning: not for the faint of heart)

Can you get anymore hick than this?

So thats it, my top 5 list of the most hilariously drunken athletes and their amazing stories (not that they remember any of them). Comment if you think I left anyone out or if there is someone in my top 5 that doesn’t deserve it. Thats all for now, im off to accomplish the impossible: attaining Wade Boggs like drinking status.

-KC Roberts